A not so poemy-poem

Some Days

Some days, I think about you.

On the days that I eat strawberries, I’ll think of you when I leave the stem or the leaves because you would eat the whole thing.

Some days I think about all the plans we used to have for our future. Those are some of the hardest days.

I’ll think of you on the days I watch basketball alone and Curry outplays LeBron, and I have no one’s face to rub it in.

Many days I’ll think about how I won’t get to see your niece and nephew grow up in the way I thought I would.

Some days I won’t get to choose the movie, and I’ll realize, for the most part, you really did always let me choose the movies, even if you didn’t want to. I took that for granted.

Some days I’ll see my sister and her boyfriend go on dates and cuddle on the couch, and remember what we used to be.

Some days I hope that you have someone to be there for you and listen to you, some days I wish it was still me.

Some days I’ll look through photos of us on my phone. Stupid or not, I haven’t erased a single one.

I can’t seem to get through the intro of closing time without breaking into a sob

I’ll think about you when I feel the now-vacant spot next to me in bed, or the empty passenger seat where no one is there to bother me with the volume controls. There is a feeling of longing and loneliness in the newfound silence.

We weren’t the perfect pair but we were a good pair.

Some days, I think about you.

****************************

So to those met with the loss of an S.O., whether that be a divorce, a breakup, a loved one lost to death or any other forms of loss, it hurts like hell no matter what. Take your time to grieve and to heal, and even if it does not take away the pain, it might help to know that there are others going through what you are going through. So when you’re crying and remembering all the good things and memories alone in your bathtub or your bed or your car, just remember that there’s another strong woman (or man) out there doing the same thing who could need a friend even more than you do right now.

I thought about countering these positive memories and “miss you” moments with bad memories and recalling times that showed true character, but that’s not what this post/poem is about and I don’t want to taint it. This post is about how hard it is to heal and move forward after your loss. It’s meant to point out that it’s not just about the bad shit you have to endure, it’s also about the good shit you have to remember. Sometimes people do not understand that. Sometimes people do not understand a lot of things about moving on. Like learning how to love yourself with all the love you would have given your S.O. is NO easy task. Or understanding that sometimes there may not be one thing you can say or do to make someone feel better. It’s ok to miss them, even if they may suck.

*Just remember that this darkness that you carry may be your own, but you are NOT in this battle by yourself. *

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