Why we judge: Bachelor edition

Well, here’s a topic I never thought I’d be writing about. This week I sat and watched the show that I SWORE I would never watch 8 years ago, the Bachelor. As I do every week, I sat down with my glass of wine and ripped into each girl’s character/quality/or appearance. Now if you don’t know anything about the show, the next few sentences of this post might not make much sense to you. During the episode, texts to and from my friends in my Bachelor-designated groupchats displayed several varying opinions on the girls. For example some of us liking Demi for being “funny and blunt,” others (me) were increasingly bothered by her cockiness and “in your face” behavior. I also find myself criticizing their heinous dress choices, evaluating their mannerisms, and analyzing their sob stories/emotional baggage. I’m not criticizing the WHOLE time, in fact I believe I do an equal amout of “girl-crushing” so to speak. So in this post I dive into why I am the way that I am when it comes to judging the girls on this show. Typically I think a lot of what people think about you is (mostly) a reflection of them and not a reflection of you. So my views and judgements of the girls on the bachelor became my own little experiment to test that concept this week. I also think that most of our judgement of other humans explains one of three things: a flaw in ourselves that we are unwilling to open our minds and accept different people, a quality we hate in ourselves that we see personified in the person we are judging, or a quality we lack and are jealous that the subject has.

I took all the opinions on the girls I had and put them into this theory (for experimental purposes of course). Hannah G, the quiet and reserved beautiful barbie-like “character” on the show. I love her. Some people criticize her for being “boring” but I think she is the bee’s knees. Here, I realize that the qualities I admire in Hannah G. are the qualities I either like about myself or want to enhance within in myself, so I would put this in the jealousy category. Cassie, who is beautiful and I thought I would love but ended up judging her for being awkward and Hannah B. who I ALSO find awkward and mind-numbingly desperate and very unsure of herself… these two I put in the category of things I most likely hate about myself/fear are qualities I have. I definitely can be awkward at getting sentences out, and I for sure fear I come off desperate at times. Demi, the loud, cocky, aggressive, attention loving one, I’m afraid to admit that I feel she falls into a little bit of all three categories of my theory. I have always been extremely turned off by cocky people, it is one of my lest favorite qualities a person can have and a big fear of mine to ever come off as such. However; her confidence I realize is something I am jealous of and something I wish I had more of.  Lastly, she is very straight forward and blunt, I know I have this trait when I want to and I think it is something that I tend to suppress or resist against, which is why I find myself disliking her for being that way.

The reason I feel this is important to share is because most of us can be a little judgey sometimes, and on the other side, it can be hard to listen to other people’s negative opinions about us. Sometimes keeping in mind that our opinions are really just a reflection of ourselves in some way or another, it can help us realize that we have control of our own perceptions. While like I said, it may be hard to let criticism and judgement roll off your back, it is so easy for us to take those words to heart and let it affect our mood and behaviors. This is just another tool to help reverse that. So much of life has to do with our own perceptions and theories. We all have different moral codes and standards to live by. As long as you are able to figure out your own code or standard, everything else comes a lot easier.

People also have opinions about everything we do whether it’s getting a tattoo, how we exercise, what we wear, what groups we associate with, what we choose to eat or not eat, what we put on social media, and the choices we make in general. I’m not saying you should never ever listen to what people think about you, I’m just suggesting you open yourself up to new perspectives!

Cheers and tata for now!

P.S. As you can tell I’ve been getting lazier and very casual with my featured images on these posts, please enjoy. 

P.P.S. Also, reading this back I’m not sure whether I’m impressed or horrified with the recognition that my writing style has been heavily influenced by educational brainwash of a thesis statement and following arguments …😐

 

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