I’m sorry I haven’t written more, for those (all three) of you awesome people who actually read these. I promise I will be more frequent with them, for I have started a new job and am finally settling in. I have lots of thoughts to share- for this particular post I actually had enough words to provide you with content and sustenance. More humor and positivity to come! For now, here are my deep thoughts from the week.
We are truly in control of our fate. It is ALL about choices and how we choose to look at things. You can keep going back to the asshole guy but the outcome isn’t going to change, as much as you think it will, and even if it does a little you’re still choosing to go down a path that will not allow you to be your best self or live your best life. It might be hard to make a certain decision now but you’re most likely just putting off the inevitable, whether it’s a breakup or a change in job, a move, a lifestyle change, rip the band aid off and by the time you heal, you will be so grateful. You never know what’s next for you if you don’t let new opportunities in, if you stay stuck in the same patterns and situations. Go after your best life, for it really is in your control. Sure there will be unforeseen circumstances and sure there are things you can not change, but the control you have over your decisions and your perspectives can make all the difference. You CAN rework your brain. As confusing and impossible as it may seem you have to step back and realize that the things you choose to tell yourself are just that, the things you choose to tell yourself, and of course, you may get lost sometimes, and unfortunately we can be plagued with misfortune and disease that can hinder this ability, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
Are you being honest with yourself? Totally and brutally honest? Sometimes we think we are but maybe we aren’t. Ask yourself. Evaluate.
Bad things DO happen, and although I generally say/think that it is important to look for the good, I often neglect the fact that we have to acknowledge and understand the negative as well. Whatever it is that you go to for answers or prayer or insights regarding yourself, spend some time at that and really dig deep to see the message that you know you need to listen to. For me, I use the Tarot as almost a catalyst for the deep desires and fears within myself that I can’t truly see all by myself. So if you can do it on your own props to you, if not, find your catalyst. Ever since I got the cards and started to get into them, I have truly believed that a) there is no wrong way to do it, and b) the cards will tell you exactly what they want to tell you, and it is your job to interpret. When it comes to interpreting, I have a tendency to try and put a positive on the cards I’m reading, especially if it’s a future card. Sometimes I’ll even skip over very important concepts of the card that are dark, because no one wants to think about impending doom or depression. Whether it’s to myself or others, ultimately I’m doing us both a grave injustice. Bad shit can happen. We ALL know that, and by doing what I do, I’m taking away any possibility of getting ahead of a problem if there is any way to do so.
I’m going to use my past relationship as an example.
A couple years back we sat in my room one day and I read our past, present, and future cards. They were dark, most importantly the future. So he insisted we do them again. Dark again. “Maybe it’s about something else going on in our lives,” we thought. “Let me try a connection spread.” For those that don’t know, it is a spread that essentially analyzes a relationship. Dark cards again. This time he took the deck himself and began to pull the cards, again, again and again. After having done it several times, we both looked at each other and were like “well shit,” because at that point it was pretty hard to put a positive spin or attribute it to something else. So we put the cards away and hardly ever spoke about it again.
As many of you know, this relationship ended and it wasn’t pretty. Quick disclaimer, I am NOT trying to get you to believe in tarot cards or voodoo/witchcraft, whatever. I’m simply using it as an example on how denial of your inner thoughts and instincts can really end up biting you in the ass. All throughout the relationship I was paranoid he would cheat on me. I thought I had it “under control” but his actions were never in my control, which was shown to me time and time again but I refused to change anything and I refused to accept that. I thought if I could do or say XYZ, then he would not cheat on me. My denial was so real and so suppressed for so long that I was still blindsided when I found out, and when I did find out. I clutched the cards and I sobbed, because in that moment I knew it was only ever trying to help me.
From that moment on, I’ve been good about taking the cards for what they are, until again recently, when I found myself following the same pattern and caught myself mid- trying to convince myself that the bad cards in front of me were about something else. Trust your gut, whatever it is, don’t keep going down the path that you know deep … deep, deep, deep down that is ultimately toxic for you. So like I said earlier, be honest with yourself, maybe you have a friend that can be blunt or brutally honest with you, use that as your catalyst, maybe its tarot or fortune tellers, maybe you just need to spend some time deep in thought, but just figure it out now and don’t let yourself live a miserable life of denial because a lot of the times you don’t even realize it’s denial until it’s too late.
Stepping back in those moments where you convince yourself he’s right for you or the job is fine or that you really are happy, realize that if you have to convince yourself at all, then it’s not meant to be. AS difficult as those realizations can be they are necessary to living a happy and healthy life where you are in control of your own destiny. So the dark card I got for my future last night I will interpret it how I TRULY think it is meant and I will take preventative actions because I know that If I continue down this path there is a great possibility of failure and heartbreak and the small good that I get out of it is not worth the bad I currently feel and the worse I could feel in the future.
Now, not everyone has these secret demons that need conquering or impending doom that they are ignoring, but If there’s something bittersweet in your life that you’ve been pushing off either making a decision about or not, this is the time to evaluate. Is the guy who you really like but won’t commit or is constantly belittling you or whatever it may be that gives you any sort of doubt worthy of you? Is it worth the distress, little or big that it causes you? If you don’t put your foot down now, will you ever? It seems soooo hard to put these things in motion and trust me sometimes it really is that hard, but once you do it, you will have a sense of freedom and independence unlike you ever have before. You can’t control other people, you can only control yourself. We can’t make people mature faster than they are ready to, we can’t change their core personality traits and we certainly can’t force them to love us. Put that work into yourself no matter what process it is that will allow you to get to where you need to be, oftentimes it’s different for all of us. If your job pays well but you hate the work or the people then take action and go out and get a new job with the attitude that you deserve it, because you do. So whatever your dark card is for you today, you know deep down the decision you have to make. You have control over your perceptions and actions, so if it is breaking up with someone you love, tell yourself that if it’s meant to be it will, and you will get back together down the road, it works best if you actually believe it. If you know your job is not right for you, but you’re worried about the financial burden, there is always a way to figure it out, as long as you put the effort in, if you can trust yourself enough to do get out there and fins the job of your dreams and not just quit and just sit on your ass, then you have to capitalize on your strength and dreams
Sometimes just finally acknowledging that something is wrong in your life, is the first step to making it right.
Also I feel the need to note that I can be a hypocrite a lot of the times, preach one way of life and live by another. Obviously I wish I could just know exactly who I was and what I believed in and ideally neither of those things would contradict one another, BUT we are supposed to figure this out on our own, we aren’t born knowing how life works, we figure it out as we go, and we have to learn to not be so hard on ourselves. We can have high standards for ourselves but it’s ok to make mistakes and learn and change your mind about things, it’s all a part of life. So with that, Megan’s school of deep thoughts is out for the day, lol sorry ok bye. Also I haven’t proofread this yet so… sorry again.